Saturday, 23 April 2016

For Better, For Me (A): About Time.

Time is a funny thing really.  We're always rushing around wishing we had more, wondering where the time went or saying 'it's fine I've got plenty of time'.   We're always looking to the past and wishing we could go back, regretting the mistakes we made or wishing that we could do things differently, choose a different path.  We're always saying we're too busy and that we don't presently have the time.  We're always putting things off until tomorrow or some time in the future.  We sometimes feel that we waste time or are judged for our use of time and yet simply put, there is no we, it's up to you and you alone how you use your time.

'Time is what we want most, but what we use worst' - William Penn.

Time is ticking by as I type this. Time is infinite.  Time is limited.  Time is just plain strange.  Deep, right?  I was sitting in my garden one morning, looking at a bright blue sky with the sun heating up my face and yet still condensation coming from each breathe I exhaled.   The remnants of 2015's Winter still amongst us as we ready ourselves for Spring - another method of time visualisation if you think about it.   I sat there quite content for around half an hour just watching the world pass me by.  The birds going about their business, chirping happily away, my neighbours letting their dogs out or opening their windows to let in the new days air - using up their own time by going about their daily routines. I was just unknowingly taking the time to think; to think about who I used to be, who I currently am and who I want to be; to think about how my life is currently being run and essentially 'who' is currently in control - me or my fears.

'Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you' - Carl Sandburg

The world and its goings on never stop just because you've taken a moment to; and that moment shouldn't make you feel guilty or that you're wasting time, sometimes it's just what you need to take a deep breath and prepare yourself for your own daily routine already planned ahead or to give you that little bit of time to think things over, see where you're at and what you need to change to progress.   However, sometimes that moment becomes an hour, becomes a day, becomes a is unfortunately that simple and again it's up to you to change that or else you might face someone else or something else doing it for you, making the plans for you, or worse you're left in the same spot you started in.  I'm writing this 'letter' to myself I guess as well as to others if required.  I have so many goals for my life just like everyone else, but just like a lot of others too I procrastinate, I find the fear or the excuse and both consciously and subconsciously I let the could bes and the  do it anyways become the should have beens or the what ifs and to be honest? I'm sick of it.  This year I decided to take action, I've given myself 10 main goals to complete in 366 days as well as little monthly goals or minor challenges, some more important than others but all challenges to myself that I've been putting off for what feels like a lifetime.  No time like the present though, right?  However, one of these goals was to finally blog more and again this year we're already in April and this blog has been sitting since January all 'shiney and new' and ready to be used again but constantly being put off until 'Monday' or 'Next Weekend' or 'The First of the Month' and so on.  Why you ask? I ask myself the same thing.  I had already started this blog 5 years ago on April 23rd 2011, 5 years to the day this 'new start' of betterment posts begins but this time I guess there's a difference.  This time it's for me.  It may have taken me four months to finally come to that realisation but in the end I did and to me that's all that matters.

'You may delay, but time will not' - Benjamin Franklin.

Now delaying things can be looked at in two ways, the first being building up the knowledge and skills to be able to take on that task at a more successful rate or the second, waiting for a moment or a time that will never arise unless you make it.  Looking for the right time or the right moment to say those words or to take those actions might lead you into a path of constant hesitation.  It might lead you to a point of constant fear, constant regret whilst time is still passing by in the background underutilised.  I've been recognising time and its elements a lot lately even to the point where I've noticed the amount of watches my dad has lying about the house.  There's one on the dressing table in my parent's room, there's one in the bathroom, there's one sitting on his side of the couch, there's one in the hall and there's one in the kitchen, all ticking away, which on a normal day to day basis would go by unnoticed but recently all I hear is that tick, tick, tick of the seconds passing by.  It's like I've finally come to notice that it's there following the same path as I am, sometimes slower, sometimes faster but now I feel we're possibly about to start walking side by side.
'Fear stops a lot of people.  Fear of failure, of the unknown, of risk; and it masks itself as procrastination' - Lisa Anderson.
I've procrastinated a lot over the years.  I've found it so easy to put things off, to leave things to the last minute, to make excuses and let my fears run my time and take control of what I say and what I do.  Once I get into the procrastination trap I find it so difficult to get back out of it and so difficult to find the motivation to push myself forward and past my fears with my main fear being judgement.  I've been scared to write for fear of someone from my past, someone currently in my life or someone yet to enter it saying something to put me off, saying something insulting or saying something negative about my choices and about my use of time but at the end of the day I've grown as a person and know now that life's too short not to love what you do and too short to let other people take control of your thoughts and life choices.  It takes a lot of growing up to come to terms with who you are and what you're passionate about and how pushing yourself to achieve your goals should become such an important part of your day to day life no matter anyone else's opinion, the main opinion that should count is your own.  Sure in certain occasions someone's constructive criticism can be a huge help but if it is something that makes you happy has a positive impact on your life then surely it's something that you must continue to focus on and progress in?

'When you came screaming onto this planet you were truly a bundle of joy, a wide-eyed creature incapable of doing anything but being in the moment'- Jen Sincero

We start off in this world as having no words to say, no opinions to be made and no concept of time going on around us - we live in the 'moment'.  But, as time goes on we create our own being with our own thought processes, passions, hobbies and life goals that simply living in the moment for the rest of your live will never allow you to achieve.   You need to start to adapt to the time around you and utilise every moment instead.  This is easier said than done when your biggest set back is your fear of what the other 7.4 billion people think about you, those 7.4 billion people who on most occasions couldn't care less about you and what you're doing as they themselves are focusing on their life and their goals or fighting their own demons.  In the end, you realise it's not these people at all but yourself, your own judgements and your own fear of just plain fear itself.  Your first initial years are pre-planned for you, then suddenly you realise you've become an 'adult' and are now a part of that huge world out there full of opportunities and with only one person able to fully grab those opportunities for you - that person being you.   You could be gone at any minute and what you've truly got to ask yourself is, would I be happy with how I spent my life?  Would I be happy with the choices I made, the people I spent time with, the memories I've made?

'Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management.  Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices' - Betsy Jacobson.

The choices you make could define your entire timeline, your entire life path.  Each decision you make could affect the next as well as your life as a whole therefore it's important to ensure that the choices you make and the outcomes that follow are ones in which you've planned for and not allowed others or fears to negatively influence beforehand.  It's about putting up a different kind of barrier, the kind of barrier that deflect fears rather than positive opportunities, the kind that allow you to fully become aware of your next moves and where your life is heading with the possible ability to take control of all possible aspects and actions.

'One must work with time and not against it' - Ursula K. Le Guin.

Leaving things to the last minute increases stress levels, it makes you complete your work or your choice at a quick pace under pressure and not to the best of your abilities.  It can leave you feeling regret about the quick decision you made or the outcome it provided.  Beginning to notice your procrastination levels and trying to conquer them before they reach the point of no return is something that is a must! A pre made plan for each week should be made if necessary, writing down the three main tasks for each day that has to be completed.  You can't just leave it to chance or next Monday or next week because then what's the point? You're left with less than successful progression and just simple regret which in itself is completely pointless and meaningless.
'Time = Life.  Therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or, master your time and master your life' - Alan Lakein.

I published my first post on this blog 5 years ago on 23rd of April 2011, with all of the hopes I do now, of finally making good use of my writing and finally putting it out there but for half a decade I haven't, I've unfortunately let other parts of my life take over, my fears take over or not used my time wisely.  I don't want to be that person any more, I know I'm not that person any more, but I guess now it's time to prove it to myself and finally do it, for better, for me.

There is only one time that is important - Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power - Wayne Dyer.

No comments :

Post a Comment